you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
