Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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