i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize