I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Panties = found
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize