omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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