the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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