We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
