i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
