and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
