I hope mine doesn't look like that
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
