she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
