the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize