Quick, to the slutcave!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
