I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
