So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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