it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
