so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
