Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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