Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
