I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I need water and some morals
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
