My sheets look like a crime scene.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize