dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
