Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
