She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
