I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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