Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
