I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
