Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You may now shotgun with the bride
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
