My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
