I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
