Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
