its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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