hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He passed out mid-signature
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
