I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
