there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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