____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My feet surprised me
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