Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize