she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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