Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
