sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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