Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
