the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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