I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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