Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
