i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
