I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
