Umm I'm too high to move.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
