and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize