apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
