I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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