You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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