who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
