it hurts more in the daytime
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
did i just pee glitter
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
