He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
