God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
