Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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