He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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