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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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