Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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