I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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