is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
