ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
