you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
