I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
