i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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