Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You can't motorboat a personality
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
