Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
