.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
