i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
