Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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