last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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