Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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