Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize