Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
